I’ve struggled to write my first real blog post for many months now. True to my Factfinder* style, I am not short on ideas. I have inspirational articles, book passages, quotes, YouTube videos, Ted talks, podcasts, and notes stored in a gazillion places – Google Drive, OneNote, iPhone notepad, iPhone reading list, iPad bookmarks, bookmarks on my laptop, bookmarks on my Mac (and yes, I’m a tech-geek), countless pretty, paper journals, etc.
AHHH! Why can’t I just pick a topic and WRITE?
This was the frustration I mentioned – okay, carried ON about – to one my coaching buddies, Karen. (One of the benefits of having been trained by Martha Beck Inc. is that I get free coaching from some of the most amazing women.) Karen suggested I write about my struggle. And I struggled with that! Why?
Well, the Universe had an answer for me later that same day, and it came in the form of an email from The Writing Salon: “One must avoid ambition in order to write, otherwise, something else is the goal: some kind of power…” - Cynthia Ozick
Yup, that’s it. I’ve been focused on getting somewhere, achieving something – likely your approval or admiration -- rather than being right here, right now. I’ve been all tied up in wanting to write the perfect post with the perfect message. And, since I’m definitely not perfect, THAT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN.
Hmmm. What a beautiful, gentle reminder I received in that “random” email. And how perfect. Because my midlife calling – life coaching -- is about being right here, right now for myself and my clients.
It’s about generous listening. And that’s harder than we realize. Next time you are listening to someone, pay attention to what’s going on in your mind. “Do I like this person? Do I agree with her? Is she better educated? She’s prettier than me. Is she smarter? More competent? What’s wrong with this person or situation, and do I know how to fix it?”
Whoa! With all this internal chatter, how can we possible hear our friend, client, son, daughter, or spouse? Are we truly PRESENT? Likely not.
STOP. Yes, simply stop the (often) competitive listening.
Listen with an open heart and open ears. Notice what’s true for this person, in THIS MOMENT. There is great magic in being present, in holding sacred space for someone. It allows the other person to recognize their own truth.
So I finish this brief post without seeking to achieve anything -- including your approval -- because, as Rachel Naomi Remen reminds us, looking for approval takes us away from where we are.
May I hold compassion for myself and others.
May I always be open, without judgment, to what shows up.
May I be forever curious rather than afraid.
May I be present to all that is.
With Love,
Suzanne
* Learn about conative styles at www.Kolbe.com